Tales of a Thankful Mom

          As I wrap up this 31 days series, I want to discuss one of the benefits of living honestly with God and others. There is freedom in honesty. You are free to be yourself, without worrying about wearing a mask or hiding anything. In this freedom, there is gratitude and joy. When one's story is out in the open, then you don't have to worry about any questions anyone may have. You don't have to have a cover story. I want to live out my life's story openly and honestly. After all, it is not just my story, it is God's story. My children and I faced some hard times in the first eight years of my eldest daughter's life. I don't want to dwell on the past. I want to step boldly into the future with my children knowing that God is with us each step of the way no matter what the future holds."I know who holds tomorrow, and I know who holds my hand!"

          On this journey to healing, I have found that one of the hardest things to be honest about is what is going on in my head and my heart. For instance, I have mentioned earlier in this series that February 11th will probably never be a fun day for me. To my parents and other loved ones it just another day. I need to tell my parents that today is February 11th, and explain that I am having a rough day. Song lyrics can also trigger me. There are several popular songs that describe domestic violence, which overall it is good that the topic is being addressed. These songs still describe fictional scenes that touch much to close to home for comfort. It is okay to switch the radio station if the song is triggering a painful memory. When I was living in the abusive marriage, I could not watch crime shows that dealt with domestic violence. It would elicit a fear response in me.  It is okay to change the channel or turn off the TV. The most important step in dealing with painful memorie

         It takes practice to be honest in relationships. I need to practice to stop saying that I am fine, and start giving real answers when I am asked how I am doing. It takes practice to speak up for myself and express my needs, especially when I am not used to doing so. I need to practice self-care. I used to believe that I could take care of myself when all of my other tasks were done. A mother's job is never done. So, if I wait until I am done with all of my tasks I will not take care of myself. I want to set a better example for my children. It takes practice training my children to do things for themselves, so that they do not think that their mother is their maid. I need to allow my children opportunities to practice interacting with each other and others. They need this practice to learn how to lovingly interact with others so they know how to stand up for themselves without becoming a bully. These are all things that take practice.

         Some days just feel crazy from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed at night. I guess that is just part of the life of a single mom. I never feel like there are enough hours in a day. Usually the moment I sit down one of my kids yell, "Mom!" Actually I know that these are the moments that I will miss someday, but right now these moments test my patience. I often find my patience is lacking in these circumstances. I am not as loving, understanding and joyful as I wish I would be. I was reminded recently that on the hard days it is especially important to take a time out and ask God to help me. Many days I need a change in perspective. Sometimes that perspective change comes in experiencing a change in scenery . "Hey kids lets go to the park!" Many times I need to remind myself of the many things for which I am thankful. What do you do to snap out of a bad mood when your patience is being tested?

          Honesty is a choice. It is a choice to be open and vulnerable. It seems easier to hide, and pretend everything is okay. I want to be better at choosing honesty. I never know what impact that honestly sharing my story with others will have on those around me. I not only want to chose honesty, I also want to provide a safe place for others to choose honesty. I want to be an encourager. I want those who interact with me daily to know that they can trust me with their truths and that they can be authentic with me. May I keep this in mind as I am talking with others daily.

          One reason that being honest about my needs was difficult is because it is hard for me to admit that I need help. I like pretending that I have it all together even when I do not. It is also hard to accept help, especially if I am in no position to return the favor. I have been blessed with friends who have helped me in really dark seasons. My youngest daughter wore a shirt the other day that had been given to her by one of my friends a couple of years ago. My friend gave this shirt to my daughter on the day that I left my abusive marriage. This friend cared for my children while another friend was helping me pack my and my children's things, and while I was obtaining a protective order. As I was taking these steps, my friend was fixing my children breakfast, and washing and styling my children's hair. The shirt that was given to my youngest was a part of this makeover that she gave my girls, trying to not only entertain my children but put them at ease. I am so thank

          When I am in a season of waiting, I tend to worry about all the details that are out of my control. I travel down the road of "what if's" instead of finding a better use of my time. I am reminded of a quote by Erma Bombeck,  “ Worry is like a rocking chair : it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”   I also sometimes try to stay busy instead of dealing with fear or grief. I tell myself that I do not have time to process these emotions. When in reality, I do not want to take the time to get alone with my Heavenly Father and pour my heart out to Him. I love King David's example in the Psalms. He told God exactly how he felt about a situation, and then he allowed God to change his perspective. I want to give my cares to God and worship while I wait.

          I used to say, "I'm fine" often even though I wasn't. The thing about was that I didn't believe that I was lying. I was in denial. I wanted to be fine. I didn't want to acknowledge that my situation was not normal. If I acknowledged the truth than I would have to make much needed changes, and at that time I felt paralyzed by fear. It was in being honest that my situation was not normal, and that I was not fine, that helped me be honest with my friends and family. It was in honesty that I found healing and freedom. It is healthy to acknowledge that your story is different than you wished it would be. In giving God, the pieces of our broken stories He can make something beautiful out of them.

          I need community, but being vulnerable in community is hard. It at times seems easier to not share my story. It seems easier to stay quiet. I even make excuses telling myself that my friends are too busy with their own lives to listen to what is going on with me. I have found that when I reach out to friends and loved ones, I am encouraged. I am comforted. Sometimes, friends and family will give me a fresh perspective or an idea about solving my problems. Often just having a loved one listening to my story makes me feel so much better. I need to remember on the days that I am playing phone tag or texts that might get forgotten in the busyness of life to keep reaching out.

         I think each one of us have been through desert seasons. I have told a friend recently that even though I live in a household with six other people (my parents and my children) that the life of a single mother can be a lonely one at times. It is especially difficult when I get in mindset of focusing on "if only." Sometimes at night I think about if only things had gone differently. It is important to remember that when life doesn't make sense that these are the moments to draw close to God. He has a plan. I can trust God. As the song says, when life doesn't make sense I have a reason to sing, and I have a reason to worship. I have a reason to count my blessings.

           I am so thankful that God is a personal God. He loves each of us individually. I went through a tough season as a sophomore in high school. A couple of my best friends moved away, and I felt like I did not have any good friends at school. A pastor told me something that has stuck with me. He told me that God is my friend, and that in our loneliest seasons we can lean on Him. In the twenty plus years since then, I have found that no matter how my circumstances in life change God has never left me. I am so thankful that when I am confused, lonely, scared or sad, I can cry out to my Savior. I am grateful that He comforts us with comfort that He wants us to pass on to others. What a friend I have in Jesus! I

          This weekend I noticed something interesting when asking my children what all the hollering was about. Each of their versions of the story made them appear that they were not at fault for the ruckus. After handling the situation, and redirecting the kids, I thought about the fact that I often do the same. I only want people to see me in the most flattering light. I don't want to appear needy. I also don't like appearing vulnerable or frazzled. This isn't just a situation that happens with me, though. There are many examples of this kind of behavior in the Bible. People have been playing the blame game since the garden of Eden. Adam and Eve blamed each other and the Serpent for eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. It is hard being honest, but it is so worth it. In being honest with our stories, that we encourage others to honestly share their stories.

Phillipians 1:6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;           I used to think that I couldn't share my struggles with anyone. I thought that everyone in my life had their own issues that they were dealing with themselves, and no one would want to hear about my problems. In the past couple of years, I have learned that by being honest about my journey that it encourages my friends to be open about their own stories. We can pray for and encourage each other. I would have never chosen this path that I am on, but I am thankful that my words or testimony can potentially point others to the Healer and true freedom. "Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him." -Big Daddy Weave. I am thankful for the way that God allows us to comfort others in similar ways that we have been comforted. Who would be encouraged by your story today?

          Living an honest life is a choice. The path of least resistance is not usually the honest one. It takes courage to be honest in all areas of life. Honesty and integrity are worth the pursuit. I also need to remember that others are watching. In my case, I have three children who are watching me probably even more than I realize. One of our house rules is speak truth. I want to speak the truth to them, even if my answer is "I don't know" ,or "This is something we need to talk about later." Honesty builds trust, and I want my children to know that they can trust me. I also want them to know that they can be honest with me, and that I am safe person that they can trust with their thoughts and feelings.

          Living honestly with God and others can be hard. It can difficult being vulnerable with friends and loved ones. There have been times that I didn't want to admit my struggles, because I was so tired of dealing with the same struggles over and over again. I felt like I was circling the same mountain. I wanted to be normal. I wanted to pretend that everything was okay. Making the choice to be consistently honest helped me because I realized my friends and family asked me how I was doing because they genuinely cared. Saying that I was fine when I wasn't only led to isolation. Isolation caused me to feel even greater sadness. Being consistently honest wasn't always easy, but it did eventually lead to healing.

          One thing that I struggled with during my journey is that I thought I was too much for people. I thought that no one really wanted to know how I was doing or how I felt. I knew that life was busy for most. It just felt easier to tell someone I was fine with a fake smile than to really delve into how I was truly doing. I also was embarrassed about my story. I felt shame. When my dear friend first noticed my bruises and figured out what was going on, I told her that I felt so ashamed. Now, looking back on the situation I realized that the Enemy used shame and isolation to leave me feeling stuck and paralyzed by my circumstances. I am so thankful for friends who did not give up me and who dropped by to check on me. I am grateful that they saw through my fake fines, and showed me that their was a path forward. So, whatever you are going through today, please know that you don't have to face it alone. If I can pray for you please leave your prayer request in the comments. Plea

          One thing that I have learned on this journey, is that after the trauma of domestic violence I can at times be easily triggered. My wedding anniversary will most likely never be one of my favorite days of the year. I just need to give myself and others grace and ask God to help me get through that day. Also I need to remember that my loved ones may say something that reminds me of my ex-husband or the abusive situation that I used to live in, For the most part, people may say something that is perfectly innocent not realizing those words cause me pain. This can also happen with a song on the radio, a movie or anything that reminds me of my past. What I have learned is that it is important to be honest with my family about my feelings. It is also perfectly okay to take a mental health day on anniversaries or other days that I know will be challenging. Living openly with loved ones helps me to take steps out of isolation and into freedom and joy.

1 Kings 19:13 And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”            I love that scripture show us that God often asks questions that He knows the answer to, to reveal the heart of the issue to His children. He did this with Adam and Eve in Genesis, and I am sure that there are other examples in scripture as well. One of the ways that I believe that God speaks to us today is through scripture. I am so encouraged when I come across the same verse through multiple formats during the course of the day. It is almost like God is saying to me, "Daughter this is what I want you to remember today." One of the things that stand out to me from the story of Elijah is that God could have used any tone of voice that He wished but He spoke to Elijah in a whisper.  Am I quieting myself to listen to the whispers from God's word and pray

Jeremiah 32:17 Oh, Lord God ! You Yourself made the heavens and earth t by Your great power u and with Your outstretched arm. Nothing is too difficult for You!            Nothing is too difficult for God. Nothing is out of his reach. He's got the whole world in His hands. I don't have to hold it all together. God holds it all together.  These are truths that I remind myself of on long days. I need to remember to focus on God not on my worries or my circumstances. "All of You is more than enough for all of me for every thirst and every need. You satisfy me with Your love, and all I have in You is more than enough." -Chris Tomlin

           On my journey of honesty with God and others, I realized that I need to put first things first. I need to be honest with God. I used to think that I needed to pray proper and pretty prayers. I didn't think God wanted to hear me whining. So, I mainly prayed when I was in a good mood with a thankful heart. I now realize that I can pour my heart out to God, and that by bringing my broken heart to God, I can ask God for comfort, healing and peace. I am thankful that God wants me to cry out to Him first.

           I remember telling a friend several years ago, that I felt like I was drowning. I felt like I was screaming for help at the top of my lungs and no one heard me. I love the line in the song I shared below by Building 429 "If You're in over your head, lift it up." During that time, I felt like I was screaming for help, but what I really needed was wisdom and bravery to take the next step to freedom, wholeness, and healing. I needed to trust that God is with me every step of my journey.

          I like to present this façade that I have got it all together. If it were possible I would gloss over "negative" emotions such as fear, anger, or sadness. I don't like being afraid. What I like even less is admitting that I am scared.  I want be a hopeful, full of faith person, and if I am not feeling that way at any particular moment, I am tempted to pretend that I am doing just fine. The problem is that I need to allow myself to acknowledge that I am scared. I also need to share that I am scared with those that I love and trust. I will never know maybe admitting that I am scared to a dear friend may be the beginning of an open and honest discussion about fears. I also need to confess my fears to God and ask Him for wisdom and to help me to take my focus on my fears and put it on Him.

     About 10 years ago, I made some simple decisions that would eight years later literally save my life. One of the decisions was to call around to churches in my community to see if any of them had a cry room. I was a young mom of a little girl, and I did not want to leave my baby in a nursery. One of the churches I called had a lovely secretary named Diana who answered the phone and answered my questions. She was so friendly that I told my husband that I found the church that I wanted us to visit and we attended Rio West Community Church that weekend. Diana saw my family and introduced herself. She also introduced me to other moms of littles. I knew then that this would be our church home. 8 years passed as I attended this church with my children. A few years ago, the ladies at my church realized that my husband was physically abusing me. They helped me make and carry out a plan that helped me and children leave my abusive marriage and return home to my Mom and Dad to a place of sa

          I talked about Becky Kiefe's book No Better Mom for the Job in my post on day one. One of the chapters in this very encouraging read was about the importance of community. It is important to gather with friends and share some laughs and maybe even a few tears. It is an intentional choice to gather. It takes planning, and intention to gather with friends and loved ones. A successful gathering also requires empathy, authenticity, hospitality, and genorousity. I also think that we have to let go of the idea of a perfect gathering, and realize that gatherings can be messy. Sometimes physically and and sometimes emotionally messy. The messiness is worth it. Community is worth the effort it requires.

          One of the lies that I believed for far too long a time, was that things would always be the same. This defeatist thinking led me to believe that there was no hope in changing my situation, and that my only hope was to hide. I used to set short term goals for myself if I make it through the evening or through the weekend, maybe then I would be able to rest or to have some peace. I now know that I should have realized that God have given me a way out, a way to change my situation. He gave me a very supportive family and wonderful friends who went out of their way to not only help me but to rescue me. If you find yourself feeling like your stuck today, please remember that thing don't have to always stay the same.

       My story has been greatly impacted by people who noticed me, even when I thought that I did not want them to. I am thankful for friends who said your house is right along the way from my house to the church, I would love to pick you (and your children) up for Bible study. I have been blessed by friends who have said "Some of the other moms and me are planning on going to the park, do you need a ride over there?" I was also blessed by a dear friend who noticed a bruise on my arm and shoulder and did not take my weak excuses as a believable answer. I am thankful that my friend not only noticed me in the middle of my pain, but she also would not let me change the subject until I was ready to make a plan to make a new start for my children and me. I thank God for the noticers.

            Galatians 6:2 2 Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.          One of the reasons that living a life of honesty with God and others is hard for me is that I don't want to be a burden to my friends and family. I knew that each of my friends and family members had their own jobs, families, and other responsibilities. I did not want my story, and my own neediness to burden my friends and family. I had a friend who described it to me this way, that if I were the friend that knew a person that I cared about wouldn't I want to help them? Of course, my answer was yes. I am thankful to be a part of the family of God, and that we are all here to help each other. I will always be thankful for those who helped my children and me, and I hope to be an encouragement and help to others.

          Part of the reason that I struggled with being honest with God and others in my life, is that I knew that I would not like some of their responses to my speaking truth. I knew I would be called to action, to make scary, somewhat uncomfortable changes. It seemed easier to tell everyone that I was fine than to step out and faith and take the steps to freedom that I needed to take. I have learned that it is important to listen, especially if several people you trust are saying similar things. A dear friend even told me one time that it was unfair to seek Godly counsel for the same situation that kept on occurring over and over again if I was not even considering the advice I was given. I am so thankful that I eventually listened and took the leap of faith improving my life and the lives of my children.

        Honesty leaves us vulnerable. At the most honest moment of my life, I felt vulnerable and ashamed. I was afraid that if someone knew my deepest secrets that I would be rejected. I was also afraid that this person would challenge me to change, to move forward. I felt paralyzed by fear at the time. I couldn't even fathom the path forward. Nor did I think that I had the strength or courage to take the first step. I also think pride can be a factor that caused me to avoid honesty. I pretended that everything was okay, because I wanted everything to be okay. Pretending didn't make my situation any better though. In fact, it made it worse. These are the problems that I had while I was running from the truth of my situation.

          Living an honest life is a gift. It is a gift to my friends and loved ones, but I was surprised to realize how big of a gift it is to myself. It is a gift to not hide behind saying that I am fine when I am not. It is a gift to not pretend that I have it all together, because I don't. It is a gift to acknowledge that there are broken pieces of my story. I still have questions that I surrender to God daily. I am not saying that I have to tell every person I meet exactly how I am feeling or all that is going on with me. What I am saying is that I can chose my group of friends and loved ones with which to share my thoughts and feelings, and I certainly can tell my Heavenly Father anything I think or feel. Honesty truly is a gift.

          As a mother I have often wondered why things couldn't be easier. Why did there never seem to be enough of me to go around to meet the requests of my three young children. Beckly Kiefe states in No Better Mom for the Job " Oh, motherhood. You are breathtakingly beautiful and heartbreakingly brutal."  I was reminded through Becky Kiefe's words that God invites each of us to walk through motherhood with Him. On my loneliest days, I was not alone because God was with me.                    One of my struggles in motherhood is that I am a perfectionist. I want to be the perfect mom, and I wish that I was raising my children in the perfect family with perfect circumstances. Becky Kiefe reminded me that my quest for perfection is just chasing after the wind. Instead of seeking perfection, I need to seek Jesus and remind myself and my children of Biblical truth.              I am very encouraged by Becky's reminder that I need to as