Tales of a Thankful Mom

           Have you ever been around someone who is in a bad mood, and their bad mood rubbed off on you? I know this happens to me sometimes.  I used to think that there was little I could do about, but now I know that I was wrong.Today, I realized that I have been praying the wrong prayer. I have been asking God to change my circumstances. I have been thinking about my situation, and I realized that instead of asking God to change my circumstances, I need to ask God to change me. I can focus on the darknesses and negativity in the world, or I can fix my eyes on Jesus the author and finisher of my faith. If my eyes are fixed on Jesus, the opinions and attitudes of others will not have such a impact on me. I want my children to know how much I love spending time with them. My children once shared with me that their Sunday school teacher told them that Jesus is the Light and we are mirrors. I want to reflect God’s light and love to those around me

           My children had the week off from school for Spring Break last week. We spent many days savoring the sunshine as my kids scootered and skated the sidewalks of our neighborhood. We also played many games of “Go Fish.” We went to a ice cream shop on one day, and enjoyed Hungry Howie’s pizza on another. I really enjoyed the quality time that  I spent with my children while they were on Spring Break. I love the opportunities to make memories with them, and I relish listening to their “remember when” stories. What moments have you been savoring lately?

           This year I have been enjoying reading books that encourage growth toward my goal of moving forward, which is #Oneword365 for the year. Luke Norsworthy’s “Befriending Your Monsters” is one such book. Luke describes a monster as something that hinders you from becoming who God created you to be. He shares hard truths, such as, “Adversity is required for growth.” ,and that there is a cost for growth. As someone who sometimes feels insecure, Luke reminded me that the opposite of insecurity is contentment. The monster of comparison causes us to forget who we are created to be.           Luke encourages his readers to be grounded in God’s love as the way to live your best life. He reminds us that gratitude in today’s world takes effort. Gratitude helps us realize that gifts are given to us by God’s grace. One of my favorite quotes in the book states, “Go where you don’t want to go, beyond the shallow symptoms, and what you will find is your monster. You will also find the loving

            I used to think that because I put so much of my heart , my energy,  my identity into making a relationship work, that God would redeem that relationship. In the past three years, I have learned that God’s ways are higher than my ways, and that God’s redemptive work looks different than I pictured it. There is a line in a song that I have been thinking about recently. “  And all the questions that I swore I would ask  Words just won't come yet.”  I have realized that part of moving forward is laying down all of my questions and what if’s and simply being thankful for the many blessings in my life. It is taking a step back and being thankful for the way God has led me through seasons of sadness, and rejoicing that sorrow may last for the night but his joy comes in the morning. (Psalm 30:5) What brings you joy today?

            I know the title of this post may seem a little weird, but that is what I felt like for the past six years or so. For the first half of that time, I felt like I was stuck in my circumstances. For the latter half of that time, I felt like I was chained to my past by regret. I don’t have to feel that way anymore. My Pastor shared in his message last Sunday that God’s grace frees us from the regrets of the past. When I feel bogged down with regrets, I have lost sight of God’s grace. When I feel weighed down, I need to fix my eyes on the Jesus the author and finisher of my faith. I can surrender my past to God and find rest in His grace. I am free! 

           “That’s a possibility.”,is one of my Dad’s favorite phrases. Ever since I was a little girl I would run and ask my Daddy all sorts of what if questions. His answer most often has been, “That’s a possibility.” Too many possibilities often leaves me with decision fatigue. I want make the right choice. I have made bad choices before, and I want to choose what is best for me and my children. This the reason that I love Emily Freeman’s advice, “Do the next right thing in love.” Breaking decisions down to one choice at a time halts the train of “what if” thinking and makes the decision making process more manageable. I want to view possibilities positively and not as something scary or overwhelming. Do possibilities excite you or scare you? Have you ever felt decision fatigue? I would love to read your thoughts in the comments.

           Yesterday, I received news that left me feeling empty. I wondered if my feelings mattered, if I mattered. I have a playlist that I like to listen to when my emotions threaten to overwhelm me. Some of these songs remind that it normal to experience these feelings at times. Other songs remind me of truth from Gods word and to release my feelings to God. My eldest daughter encouraged me this morning. She told me that she felt emotionally safe and secure in our home. This conversation reminded me that even though sometimes many areas of my life seem broken. God can make beauty out of the brokenness if I keep on surrendering the broken pieces to hm.  “ We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain” Hebrews 6:19  May I continue to look to the hope that is an anchor for my soul, and share this hope with my children. 

          As I continue moving forward in 2020, I want to remember the reason for the journey. My children ask me all the time why we are doing things the way that we do them. The Westminster Catechism gives us the reason for our journeys. We are to love God and enjoy Him forever. This is the chief end of humanity. It all comes down to love. I need to love God and love others. This is what I want to remember as I continue moving forward. I want to love well. Love listens more than it speaks. Love is fully present. Love is kind. Love is generous. May I be filled up with God’s love, so that, I can share His love with others.

           Comparison and jealousy can throw an obstacle on the path of moving forward. I cannot be focused on God and the proverbial grass that I think is greener in my neighbors yard at the same time. If I am focused on God, He will give me the grace to rejoice with others who have something to celebrate even on days that I wish my view was a little brighter. I also need to remember that when I am tempted by the green eyed monster, that I need to tell him to take a hike, and count my blessings instead. What is something that you are thankful for today?

            I made a mistake. I accidentally skipped over the word exasperate which was supposed to written about on day eight of the challenge. Often times I feel exasperated when I make mistakes. I went through a season in my life where I paid dearly whenever I made a mistake, and I still worry what will the mistake cost me when I realize that I made a mistake. I am learning that mistakes is a part of being human. Making mistakes is a part of moving forward. What kind of example am I showing my kids by being ashamed of the mistakes I have made? I don’t want my children being afraid to try new things. I need to be less fearful of making mistakes. Do mistakes exasperate you or do you view them as learning experiences? I would love to read your thoughts in the comments.

             Have you ever felt like you could sleep for a week? My children are Diary of a Wimpy Kid fans, and in the book The Meltdown   Greg Heffley tries to hibernate. Of course, he isn’t successful in this endeavor. We may not be able to hibernate like bears, but I do think that taking a mental health day is a good part of the journey of moving forward. God even instructs us to rest. My word for 2020 was shalom, which reminds me that God is our rest and peace. He is my refuge. I also think it is important what we do on these mental health days. We need to do things that are life giving and restorative. What are some of your favorite mental health day activities?

             God rescued me. He provided for me before I even knew I would need provision. He didn’t give up on me, even when I gave up on myself. He placed me in a wonderful church family who went out of their way to help me. He enabled dear friends to rescue me, and gave me a path to freedom. He gave me and my children a safe place to land and a fresh start. I will one day share this story of our rescue with my children.”"Tis grace has brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home.”

                           I never realized how much patience I would need in this journey of moving forward. Many days I feel like I am circling the same mountain over and over agin. I just want to be over it. I do not want songs or anniversaries to trigger painful memories. I give myself pep talks and tell myself that February 11th is just an ordinary day. The pep talks do not always help, and I get frustrated with myself. I long for healing and wholeness. I need to be patient with myself. I need to find rest and peace in my Savior’s arms. I am so thankful for God’s patience with me, I need to learn to be gentle with myself on rough days.

           When I lived in New Mexico, it was imperative for me to anticipate the needs of others. If I didn’t do this, it could cost me greatly. For this reason, I started guessing what others thought about me. Most of the time my assumptions about what others were thinking of me wasn’t favorable. I have learned something in the past three years, people aren’t thinking about nearly as much as I think they are. Also, I learned it is not healthy to relive my middle school angst over whether or not someone likes me. Life is not a popularity contest. What I need to be doing is sharing God’s love with whoever God places in my path. I need to show grace to those around me. I need to let go of faulty perceptions and remember I am child of God.